Regular readers of this blog will be aware that I have recently moved house again, hopefully for the last time in a while. The move was almost three months ago and yet most of my clothes are still in suitcases and many of my other belongings still in boxes.
However, this week we managed to make a major leap forward when we got a guy from the insurance company round to put some shelves up. Now, I know what you are thinking, you are thinking: ‘What kind of a man are you Dees? To need a stranger from an insurance company to come round and put up a bunch of shelves that you, as a 47, soon to be 48, year old male should be completely capable of putting up their own shelves.’
Well, my answer to you is to stop being so sexist and ageist. There is absolutely no reason why a woman of my age or indeed a person of any gender of any age above, let’s say, 13 shouldn’t be able to knock up a few shelves with the right tools.
And therein lies the problem. I am well aware of the old adage ‘a bad workman blames his tools’, and it is true I do have a spirit level, screwdriver and drill, however, the problem is this: Our apartment building seems to have been constructed with a material not of this world.
Whatever intergalactic space travellers descended to earth and constructed our building seem to have used a material so durable and impenetrable that even the insurance man with his industrial mega blaster state of the art f**k off drill managed to break one of his bits (if you know what I mean). Never in his long career of drilling small holes in walls had he encountered a wall so impervious to being drilled into.
The poor bugger must have spent an hour and a half putting up nine shelves, most of which were simply to facilitate the cats having a better view of the street in front but some of which were to house my growing collection of the world’s greatest, and some of its worst, literature.
With my library now in place, I have been able to recommence my occasional readings of my own body of work. You can hear me reading sections from all of my books on my YouTube channel here. Happy listening.